If one has no memory of their past experiences, how is that different from never having lived them? I had not considered it before but I have lived quite an extraordinary life. I have overcome much and found peace within myself and come to peace with those around me. I guess I'm living within that brief but blissful period that my mother, aunt and great grandfather had experienced as they approached their elderly years.
At last I reached a point in my life where I can say I have no regrets and enjoy each day I have been given. But I have begun to notice I am losing items more frequently. My glasses seem to get up and walk away. My phone vanishes from its charger beside my computer. Even my coffee cup disappears from its place on my desk. It's not so much the misplacing of things that worry me but the places I find them. Why would I find my glasses in the refrigerator, my phone in the yard and coffee cup in my vehicle? I'm concerned that I have no memory of having placed these items where I find them. This is an indication that I am losing time.
I often sit at my computer to work with intent to reach a certain goal within a given timeframe. I will work for what seems like an hour or two and look up to see five hours has gone by. I review my progress and find I have certainly not done five hours of work. Could it be I have been sitting here in a trance for an entire three hours? My family thinks me mad but I have asked them to keep an eye on me. If I seem as if I have blanked out give me a nudge to bring me back.
Another thing that concerns me is my inability to remember names of those I've known my entire life. This doesn't occur with everyone. But certain acquaintances if I haven't thought of them in a while, I will forget their names. Their names will not be on the tip of my tongue but totally wiped from my memory. This makes me feel like an idiot when they surprise me at the store. Sometimes I can play it off. I remember who they are I just don't remember their names.
I think of my aunt during the years after my uncle passed away. Her memory progressively deteriorated to the point where she would ask me repeatedly during the course of our conversation where I worked. By all other respects she was sharp. She could refer to the topics we had discussed yesterday or last week. Just that one thing she could not remember ever having asked me. My daughter, Claire, assures me I haven't been repeating myself or asking the same question repeatedly. She did admit I have a tendency to worry excessively but this was not a new thing. My daughter will not always let on she is concerned. My mother, Claire's grandmother and I have learned she will make a point to accompany us to our next doctor's appointment if she is worried about us. Claire sat with me in the doctor's office and listened intently as my physician assured me it's only natural to experience some memory loss with age.
In light of these new concerns, I value my writing even more. At least I can read my own works and be reminded of my most important memories. And this is the crux of it. I'm not so worried for myself but for how my friends and family will feel if I ever come to no longer remember them. My daughter put her hand on my cheek and smiled lovingly at me as I told her, "If I could only keep one memory in my mind forever it would be of you. Please never forget how much I love you, even if no longer remember myself."
Previously Posted on FullofKnowlege.com
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